Pissed off

I'm really irritated! Just 2 minutes ago when I was about to blog, I went to open my winamp and I saw this sex video. Crap! Don't ask me what's the big deal. There is, you don't go around downloading porn for everyone to see! I'm pretty sure who downloaded it and I'm going to lock up my comp and change my password so that idiot cannot have access to it. I'm serious in this. My comp is not for gambling and sexual entertainment!

Yesterday, I was practically really sian. Not totally because of that message but because what I've been constanly going through for the past 6 months plus. Really am so tired. Stop thinking that I'm not trying! I don't have control over his life even though we are together. Stop putting all the blame on me! You people take them as treasure so be it, the least some respect for us can? Are you all really people of God?

I'm having a second thought about her. Really, not just because of yesterday as that message was not much of big blow, it just reminded me of what I'm going even at the very point of time. Everything just rushed in. It wasn't easy at all. I'm so tired, so sian of people putting all the blame on me. Is every decision of his my fault? Is everything that he decides I'm the master mind behind it? He still got his life and I have mine. Though we are together we still discuss. So why am I to be blame for everything? All the attitudes, all the shits. Leaders, helpers, really people of God? I have been trying to pretend that nothing is going on but hey, I'm not God! I can't take it for long! I know who are my friends, I know who are the ones who understand how I feel and not judge me. Ruin his life? Please tell me about it man. How to not ruin his life? Tell him not to meet his mum and go for CG? Bravo, think of my situation can? What would his mum think? What can I do? Some wise man please tell me about it.

God just kill me, I'm sick of living in this world of selfish love.